Andrea Kihlstedt on Asking for the Gift

Five Step Asking Summary

Most solicitations have five parts: introduction, dialogue, presentation, ask, and close. This sequence is quite natural, but a little thought about each section will help you become comfortable.

1. Introduction: Take a few minutes for social conversation. This gives you both the time to focus your attention and be fully present. Use this time to clarify and agree on the purpose and duration of the meeting. Will you spend 30 minutes? An hour? This will help you pace your discussion. Mention up front that this is a fundraising meeting and that you will ask for a gift.
2. Dialogue: Come prepared with questions that relate to the organization or specific project for which you are raising money. Questions that begin with the words “How” and “What” are often good open-ended questions that lead to dialogue. If the prospect is already a donor you might explore why he or she gives and share your own giving story.
3. Presentation: In the first quarter of the meeting, begin talking about the organization. Briefly talk about the need for the organization’s programs and services and the impact they have.
4. Ask: Conclude your presentation by asking clearly and specifically for the gift. Use this sentence: “Will you consider making a gift of $__________ to this project?” After you have asked that question, stop talking. Give the prospect a chance to respond. You may find this difficult, but it is the key to a successful request. Most of us feel a need to fill the silence, but just wait for your prospect to respond.
5. Close: When the prospect responds, you must clarify the response. If the prospect indicates he or she will make a gift, say thank you and review and clarify the payment options. Donors may respond to your solicitation with one or another objection. Go to Embracing Objections to learn more.

Common Responses

If the prospect asks for more time, determine when and how to follow up. It is best if the prospect agrees to have you call in a specific amount of time as this ensures that the process will continue.

If the prospect says “no,” find out if that means “never” or “not now” or “not that amount.”
Always remember that “no” rarely means “never.”  So you need to find out whether it’s a timing issue and you can ask again in a few months, or if the amount is too high and smaller gift would be possible.  It might be that dividing the gift into two or more payments can turn a “no” into a yes.  Make sure that you understand fully what has caused the resistance.

Review the Donor’s Intent

At the end of the meeting, review the terms of the agreement to make sure you understand accurately the donor’s intention. Be sure to clarify and summarize the next steps required of each of you.

Adult Conversations

Always remember, solicitations are nothing more or less than adult conversations. (Alas, adult conversations often challenge even the most grown up among us!) If you sense that your prospect has stopped paying attention, stop talking and ask if they have any questions.

Common Missteps

Not asking for the gift. And yes, it does happen with surprising frequency. Stories of college presidents and executive directors who get weak at the knees and leave solicitation meetings without asking for the gifts abound. Be sure you ask. It really doesn’t hurt.

Waiting until too late in the meeting to ask. Keep an eye on the clock. Ask for the gift before the meeting is half over to allow ample time for discussion.

Leaving the next steps in the hands of the prospect. Keep the initiative. Let your prospect know that you will try again!

Talking too much. You are not likely to talk someone into making a gift unless you listen well enough to know what’s important to them and what they’d like to do. It’s very easy to create a wall of words rather than a dialogue. If you have a sense that you are talking and they’re not listening, just stop talking!

Feel free to download the Five Step Asking Summary, which includes suggested questions and phrases to use.

See also the recorded training “The Arc of the Ask” in the Knowledge Base.