Stop presenting. Quit making speeches. Abandon the PowerPoint spiel. Stop right now!

Asking for a gift is a conversation, not a presentation. Inviting someone to invest in the cause means talking, not presenting, to him or her.

Conversation…the art of human interaction. People connect through conversation. We learn about each other, building trust and understanding. In conversation, we nurture relationships. We share stories that matter to us personally. We express our interests and disinterests, our motivations and aspirations. We reveal our feelings.

Feelings…emotions. Emotions trigger all human decisions – often followed by a quick rationalization. Yes, that’s true. A fact, pure and simple. Neuroscience and psychological research prove that emotions are the key decision-makers. Jung said it well, “There can be no transforming…of apathy into movement without emotion.” And giving – whether time or money – is action, highly personal action.

By the way, eminent psychologist W. Gerrod Parrott identifies 135 emotions. But who can remember that many. Try, instead, the 7 top emotional triggers identified by direct marketers: anger, fear, greed, guilt, exclusivity, flattery, and salvation. Remember: The fact is, emotions trigger all human decisions.

Now, back to those conversations you’re supposed to have with donors and qualified prospects. Regular conversations that share and explore and wander and build and build more. Good relationship-builders embrace conversations that trigger feelings. They revel in it, focusing on the person, not the organization. Relationship builders know that the organization is the conduit to achieve the donor’s desires. For the best relationship builders, asking for the gift isn’t the focus, but merely a moment in a series of conversations.

To be a good solicitor, you must be a good conversationalist. Good conversationalists ask questions. Great conversationalists explore values and beliefs.

So to be a good solicitor, you must be a good conversationalist. You listen and observe. You hear what is said and probe to understand what is meant. That’s how you identify people’s interests and aspirations and feelings!

Good conversationalists use questions to get the talk going. Sometimes simple, safe questions like: What interests you most about this organization? What do you tell others about us? Sometimes probing questions like: Why did you make your first gift to this cause? That first motivation is often illuminating – and may well surprise you.

Great conversationalists explore values and beliefs with questions like: If you could change the world, what would you do? What are the most critical catalysts to produce the change you hope for? What would you like to pass on to future generations? How do you feel when you make a gift? How do you want to be remembered? Prospects and donors answer many of these questions. But are fundraisers and their organizations paying sufficient attention to the answers? Too often, not so much.

Asking for a gift is not a presentation. Asking is part of the ongoing conversation that elicits the feelings and emotions that lead to action. But far too many fundraisers – and their bosses – don’t accept this. They forget that giving comes from the feelings and emotions of the donor, rather than the needs of the organization. They focus on presentation rather than conversation.
These fundraisers hone their presenting skills and rely on broadcast mode rather than listening mode. They substitute a printed case statement, DVDs, and even PowerPoint for conversations.

Stop it! Stop it right now. Please.

Check out Susan Galler’s video on listening more and talking less!

How Do Your Board Members Want to Be Asked? Try this exercise to find out and improve board giving. Note, this is a members only part of the site. Not a member yet? Join NOW.